And that feeling came back. That horrible dream where I was in front of the cafeteria and saw her inside behind the lake of lily pads and mom at the stairs.
I remember this dream so vividly. I did not want to leave her. She raised me and I like the things the way they are. I couldn't, but I was loosing my choice in the dream. Now it's nearing and although I have a hunch she is not physically on this earth, I should still go back. Not to stay, but to piece together the other part. I remember that vividly too. I was in my (forgive me) "pink" night gown looking at the map with Dad and Joel talking. I believe it was a cloudy day and come to think about it it was around this time of year. I remember a flash in my head and was confused of where I was and what happened. It scared me. And that was my hunch. I can't explain well of what I experienced. Idk.
All I know is that I am scared and I want to not go and never find out, but I feel it should be done. I won't be alone.
I'm glad I'm not alone.
It probably sounds all mysterious and captivating. As I have to explain to my friends for I don't really mention this, I feel it's more of a fear rather than exciting. I don't know what to expect. I wish it wasn't like this. I wished it more than anything in my whole life.
That is the truth.
I wanted to be normal. A normal family. No expedition to adopt me. It's cool to have parents who are artsy and stuff, but they won't ever really be parents (hard to explain), but it made me really independent. And Granma influenced of who I am today.
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