Granma

I am settling down for the night. :)

...

For the morning actually...

I'm not tired. I had a fun yesterday & am still energized. But tomorrow

tomorrow will be busy. I should rest. I just don't want to. Oh I still have these raspy coughs too.

I received 2 letters today in the mail. I like receiving mail. I like surprises.

I always enjoyed running to the little farmhouse searching for any that look like a letter (to anyone in the family not just me though I REALLY liked it when I saw my name on it). Though the past 3 cards I got were all domisticated pets (2 "from" my pets...parents :) ) Puppies & kittens. Another hint I believe. I remember I always looked forward to Granma's letters. With the old scented 20's paper with her messy caring cursive handwriting. I would look forward to what she had to say. I would collect the cards and lay them around. I kept all her notes in a special drawer. To look back on those.

She is my hero.

Yes she may be a crazy religious lady who had a thing against cats. [She freaks out like crazy when she sees one "Don't touch that thing, Rosemary! If you do you will go to hell."

Uncle Joe said I wouldn't so I petted the little tabby. :)]

But she was very strong & had such an interesting life that I realized afterwards.

She was a mysterious women who held her family dear to her heart.

She always made me red or orange jello (I had some strange thing against blue & green...same with fruit roll-up & gushers & gummys) or gives me those little dark chocolate kisses. She would almost always gives me hammie downs or clothes she made. :)

I loved her moth ball smell & was always scared of that Jesus Picture on the wall (It is today the scariest picture of Jesus). Her house was small, but a lot of fun. Her Kookoo Clock was always ticking & there is so much memory flowing back. I still have the senses of her house inside me. As I close my eyes I remember where everything is and every color & her soft thin light blue shirt wrapped around me & I'm a kid again snuggled up upon her looking at all her antiques. Awed by the memories they must have brought with Granma. I remember eating the jello out of the little bowls on the beige carpet with my feet in the air and the doll & cardboard house next to my side. I remember loving to roll around on the carpet (I don't know why). Her little tsk sounds she makes when I disobey. I can feel the sheets & the warmth of the house. It was perfect temperature. I can feel myself sitting on the my favorite bouncy chair that was also beige and comfty near the China cabinet drinking coke. drawing in my little blue notebook. I would rest my eyes feeling her hand comb through my hair complaining why I always hide my pretty little face.

My mom does the same thing...combing her hands in my hair.

I want to be there again. I know I can't. I can't go back. I know she wouldn't want me to be wrapped up in the past.

I do though.

I'm sorry, Granma.

I know I didn't appreciate your gifts like I should have when I was younger.

I do now.

You will always be a part of my heart. You are what keeps me strong. Even though right now I feel weak.

I know you haven't heard this in a while...

I love you, Granma.