So I am starting to think I am not blind (well there are exceptions), but overall I some how now what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing....I am so confusing *laughs* I'm sorry....
I was just thinking that my subconscience must plan out everything in advance and I just seem to go with it?? I don't know.
I type one and then decided to type this. I was reading my past blogs.
I guess I can say this..
At one long point I wanted to be a musician. I liked adding harmonies. I like to play along. Sing a long. I thought that I would add something different to the music that is not heard (intricate harmonies)...well in high school in guitar I realized tho rather be her, but not. I can't explain it. I am afraid if I met her she would be the total opposite of my hope (you like the typical kid's hero isn't a hero clips). I don't want to find out she's a fake or a fraud or something else bad.
Because unlike Demetri Martin. He's endearing, but when I hear her on TV. I don't know...all those big fancy words....the pictures she does of herself...but Gibbard hangs out with her, and he seems to like...
All I know is that I don't know who I want be. All I know I want are music...art (all forms that I do now), the oceanside I lived near, To live with wildlife, to intertwine society with nature (If we could all get along), and more...they are too personal and am such a chicken that I am not going to type them.
Actually I know more than I thought...huh...
I also know that I definetly don't see myself here in Orlando for a long time. I don't know what a long time is though...
I think I am at a stop for a while.
I guess you can say I am on a train to my destination and right where I am is a pit stop.
I would love to ride a train. On top of a train, out at the railing at the end of the train, to look out of the window, to be going somewhere. I have been wanting to ride a train for quite a while now....Yeah I know those are the scars, but I don't know. They seem so...uplifting...
I can see it in my head.
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