Take A Freak'n Step!

She had that look. I've seen it many times.

I came to her for more guidance. Though I cannot describe the look on her face, but I have seen it on so many friends. She said,

"You know what you want to do."

The more I talked the more she was pointing it out. I know my path, but I can't seem to move. She knows my place is not in Biology. Before, she said my eyes light up (or sparkled..not sure) when I was talking about the arts, but I knew I was thinking of two things. Though none related to Biology (at least not firsthand).

She had done my schedule for the next year. I told her I like learning other things (and should of explained that I don't want to be soley in art). That's why I am thinking education. I would learn how to explain things better (easier for art because I am using my hands). I want to keep my passion as just my passion, not my profession (music).

I see this path layed out, but I am not moving. I am just standing there. Watching it being overgrown. Watching it cover up, like it was never there. I do that with something else too and it's sickening to me. I am very happy at times, but it is true. I never took that chance and I am sure it's too late. I am still hanging on hopelessy (the usual), but I think this time I will let go. As for my major...I don't know. I never solve the "what if's". At least for the things that would make me fully happy. Maybe all people do this, but then why is it bothering me now (maybe because I am on the edge where I can tilt into a monodrone life?). Now that I realize it? That sucks.

Feist and Gibbard explains this so much better than I ever could.

I don't know why I won't make a move, a step. If I did I would be moving. I know. "Obviously you want to blah blah blah."

I don't know. I don't know my own fear. I need to. I can't make a difference unless I take a step. I don't want to see another chance overgrow. I just don't see why I can't just simply move my feet. I don't see why I don't make any movement.

Wasted.