I Shouldn't Give a Definite Answer, But I Can't Be Fickled

Ohhhh.....I do not like myself. Because I lack paying attention to the words and the hints I have fail my friends...

I'm sorry.

I should have thought more about it. I should of paid more attention to what is said and how it is said (not by the tone, but by...I don't know how to explain it...).

Now I have led to things that probably wouldn't have happened. No, I do want to try it. I do want to go. I do want to join. I just don't think about the future...I don't plan ahead. I just think "Oh fun!"...that's it. I don't think how I am going to get there (then the stupid where, how...). If I didn't agree then it wouldn't have turned into this. I think I led it on. (Oh now since we have 3 people again there is a chance we may go.) Yet it's not just me. The DD wasn't going to go. I knew it, she knew it, but we still had some belief she would keep her word again....we were wrong. It takes more than one to cause this I guess...but it feels like I led it on.

Like the stupid friend who let his drunk friend drive. No, he could of tackled his friend keeping him from driving. He could of been really dramatic and called for help...to get a taxi...Then those two girls wouldn't be dead (from movie from class...it was that DUI movie from SAHS.) Yes he chose to drink, but he was with a friend. That's time for the friend's role...right?

Well...all I can do is wait for the call. I can only hope she took in what I stated showing her it was a bit her fault and I can only hope the other understands that it was my fault for saying I wanted to go. I hope they talk to each other...I think they are avoiding talking to each other and resort to text.

They both know the truth when I just realized most of it.

I just hope she doesn't pretend she doesn't know because she does and she knows I know....She has to take some of the blame...we all do. We all had a role to play in this mishap.

The phone is still silent. I have another thing to correct too...

Oh no what am I going to do with myself. I am trying not to be fickled, but I don't know my timings....or the words...